AUG: WHAT TO DO WITH MISFORTUNE
Feelings are such real things and they change and change and change - Rosey Grier.
July 18: It’s 12:59am and I have to take a break from work to write this letter because if anything, this place has become a sanctuary for my thoughts.
This month for me has been absolutely hellish. Had battles to fight and because I relate with people on a need-to-know basis, it’s taking a lot more than speaking up to cry for help. But this experience has taught me a lot - two of which I’d like to share.
YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO PREPARED (FOR A MISFORTUNE)
It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near one.
J.R.R.Tolkien.
This is not a new life lesson tbh but I think we do not fully get the meaning of the phrase “can never be too prepared”.
Preparations are tactical moves for potential realities and that is a good thing because while devising, the realities are, at the moment, empty and harmless so we can examine all possible outcomes, weigh our options and make a choice that would optimise for our well-being.
But the foreboding of a reality is nothing compared to what comes when you are in it. I had made my decision years before but facing the problem filled me with so much uneasiness, I crumbled under its gravity. The confusion, dawning, then the panic. It leaves no space for reason. Unfortunately, preparedness will not always spare you from the emotional turmoil but it sure as shit would free you of the consequences or at least soften the blow.
Even so, there are times you can’t possibly prepare for that would proceed to fuck you up with no remorse (as seen with 2020). I have no insight to offer in this case but I’ll say this: If you decide to keep living, do not resign yourself to fate.
NO TRAGEDY IS TOO LITTLE TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED
Every time I hit rock bottom, my mind goes to the day I cried cause I’d lost N20. No, it wasn’t the 70s where it could get you a car or something. It was 2010 and I was a secondary school senior curled up in my bed sobbing cause I couldn’t find the equivalent of one baba gala, stick sweet and pure water. It wasn’t my first time losing money; a few months ago, I lost 3k and I didn’t even go beyond searching my locker. It wasn’t also my last bar but something about losing that crisp note pained me.
For as long as I can remember, I have never let the gravity of a situation stop me from celebrating, mourning or feeling what I should feel at the moment. Whether it’s solving a cube in 3 moves or being alone in a public space, if I feel something, it shows.
Many of us, men especially, are so used to measuring our misfortunes before deciding if we should mourn them or not. This system has had us dismissing so many situations that should be addressed. This is ironic because dismissing them doesn’t make them go away. Tragedies don’t go away; they fester.
So, in as much as it is important to celebrate little victories, it is equally important to acknowledge and mourn tragedies of the same magnitude. Even more important is unburdening yourself through healthy channels.
Allow yourself feel good and also feel bad.
I think I’ll stop here. In the meantime, please take care of yourself and look out for others. Don’t forget your face masks and sanitisers…
SONG OF THE MONTH: Even my dad does sometimes - Ed Sheeran.