Of all the communication tools availed to us, feedback seems to be the only one crafted to go beyond informing down towards refining, which is great cause it creates a chance for improvement.
However, this discussion has been hijacked by capitalism. A quick google search reveals the many many many ways we can use feedback to motivate employees and improve work productivity. And while Feedback for Capitalism isn't invalid, I think it is an injustice to shave feedback down to a corporate tool.
I understand that writing this article might create the expectation that I am good at giving/receiving feedback, so here's a disclaimer…
Disclaimer: This article doesn't mean I am good at giving/receiving feedback. This is as useful for me as it is for you. :)
In this post, we will be looking at feedback as a communication tool for life. If you'd rather listen to this, you can click here.
FEEDBACK . noun
feed·back | \ ˈfēd-ˌbak \the transmission of evaluative or corrective information about an action, event, or process to the original or controlling source.
I, personally, love this definition from Merriam-Webster because it doesn't convert feedback to a concept unique to humans.
It is easy to see the application of feedback in humanity, but a closer look at life and you find that feedback is a tool used by many, if not all, living things. It is what informs our evolution and survival. It builds on our experiences and explorations to ensure we develop as beings.
Feedback takes on many forms - direct and indirect, active and passive, verbal and behavioural, technical and social, formal and informal, positive and negative, etc. Several factors come to play within each form - goal, intuition, reaction, ease of understanding, level of satisfaction, state of emotion, rate of relativity…
Regardless of what form of feedback is used or which factors contributed to it, it is important that we understand how to give and receive feedback.
GIVING FEEDBACK
“Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.”
– Buddha
Offering feedback is obviously easier than receiving feedback. However, with this ease comes the responsibility of communicating and influencing the point of issue.
Before presenting your feedback, make sure that you objectively understand and have properly assessed the situation. You also should ensure your assessment and understanding are unbiased and your motive, genuine.
While giving feedback, be empathetic. Create a safe space with your conversation. Remember to make provision for nuances that you may not have considered.
When offering feedback, there is a need to communicate in a language that is productive. Feedback isn't complete without information, so it helps to detail your issue points.
NEGATIVE FEEDBACK
If there is something to be fixed or addressed, it should be expressed in a structured and passive manner. As a rule of thumb, avoid using "you". Alienate the issue, not the person.
By the way, if the feedback is unsolicited, you should ask for permission first.
POSITIVE FEEDBACK
Positive feedback allows for a bit of freedom. Here, you can use your emotion to bolster your points. Address your issue points in a way that is both detailed and engaging. Let them know they're doing well and what it is that is well done.
REMEMBER: Giving feedback is about communicating and assessing, not wrong-spotting.
RECEIVING FEEDBACK
“Receiving feedback sits at the intersection of these two needs—our drive to learn and our longing for acceptance.”
― Douglas Stone, Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well
Receiving feedback can feel like being in a hot seat. It is a moment of vulnerability, and it makes sense that one might feel a little anxious at that moment. However, just as it is with Feedback Delivery,Feedback Reception comes with responsibility.
Listening is a skill and one that applies to receiving feedback. It affects our relationship with people and learning culture.
When receiving feedback, it is important to:
Engage the conversation with confidence and curiousity. Watch out for helpful insights that can help you grow.
Maintain a positive and encouraging body language. It helps to assume positive intent.
If the situation allows for it, acknowledge the impact of the conversation on you, especially if it hurts.
Ask for clarity in moments of vagueness. Do not assume.
and most importantly, DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
If you find yourself in a situation where you are being berated, it is okay to tune out.
CAVEAT: SWITCHTRACKING
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
– George Bernard Shaw
Switchtracking is a common albeit imperceptible communication problem. According to author Sheila Heen, switchtracking is when “someone gives you feedback, and your reaction to that feedback changes the subject.”
Here’s an example:
A: Please ensure that you drain the dishes before placing them in the rack.
B: Do you realise how much work it took to even wash them in the first place?
Another example…
A: Why didn’t you pick me up from school today?
B: Can’t you greet?
When it happens, the conversation is split into two, and each person proceeds to argue for/against different subsets of the same conversation. Often, the person who does the switching is unaware that they are derailing the conversation. It is not a thought-out decision. The switching is happening because they receive information and immediately respond with what they believe to be the more important issue.
If the switching is deliberate, then there is either a problem with timing/delivery (e.g. reminding someone of their debt just after they've been robbed), or the switcher is being manipulative.
The problem with switchtracking is that it takes a conversation and turns it into an argument of "which topic is more important". That is unless one person concedes, or it is pointed out.
In conversations where there is a hierarchy of sorts (example B), the switching happens in the underling's mind. Here, they protect themselves by tuning out of the conversation and addressing what they believe to be the main issue(s) in their heads.
Heen gives an example for this scenario…
“So your boss is chewing you out. And you're not saying anything out loud because you're, you know, actually smarter than that in that moment. But what you're thinking, of course, is, OK, first of all, this is not my fault. And second of all, you're even worse at this than I am. And third of all, I can't believe that you're doing this in front of everyone and you're this unprofessional. You know, and everybody, by the way, hates you. So you are switch-tracking to about four other topics of your feedback for him or her. But it's a silent switch-track. So your boss isn't necessarily aware that you're not paying any attention at all.”
When giving or receiving feedback, it is important that we decenter ourselves and stay on course. In moments when the conversation has been switchtracked, take a step back. Address the initial point of issue first, then move to the second issue.
Communication is a conscious process, and when it comes to feedback, we need to be even more aware of our intentions, emotions, languages, and interpretations. It is the only way we can build a good learning culture and evolve as humans.
To learn more on Feedback and Switchtracking, I found this podcast episode from NPR's Hidden Brain very helpful. I love that they made a catchy song that perfectly defines switchtracking.
And in the spirit of receiving feedback, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this article. Leave a comment below or reach out to me on Twitter, @theifedolapo.
See you in a couple of weeks. ❤️
SONG OF THE MONTH:
Friends ft. Bon Iver and Kanye West - Francis and The Lights
The switch tracking can be seen mostly as an attack on man, and whenever this happens it shows that the giver of the switch tracking just want to say his or mind nothing else